my commencement.

It's not so much that I am surprised that BYU would allow someone like Dick Cheney to speak at commencement. I am just surprised that the stereotype that I have spent four years overcoming is actually true. Too bad I was right about this as a freshman. Now I will leave this university with the same last impression that I entered into it with. I wish I could say it is irony but I think that sounds too poetic. It's just a waste.

why "Dilbert" has become so funny lately

I'm at work right now. Well, I'm not metaphorically there because I haven't clocked in but I am using the computer because it's warm and safe feeling in here. I think I feel that way because there are cubicles that designate my space. Sometimes I kind of feel like I have one of those "offices" made of folders you used during spelling tests in grade school to assure no one cheats. In the office, there's no fear of being subject to someone's library cell phone call, seeing someone I know that is comfortable with having more than a brief conversation at louder than a library voice, or worrying that everyone around me is more studious than I am. Instead, I know that there will be soft hits, when Ed is here in the morning, and that it will be unusually warm inside the small office place filled with computers and cubicle people. I get folks like James Taylor who will always keep his voice at a moderate level. Or I can dream of "Jamaica, Bermuda...come on pretty mama..." And everyone around me is doing the same thing. 'Ignore, ignore, confirm, ignore' clicking comes from all the computers. The hum of editing. It's serene in here. I like it.

maybe it's just mormon culture

Have you ever made a decision? That's not all. Have you ever made a decision that was a really important decision. One that took a lot of thought. The kind that you only plan on making once. And people have been asking you to make the decision for longer than, well, starting before you have felt ready to decide on it. You felt good about making the decision, though. You felt good about deciding on it sometime; but, you weren't really thinking you needed to make it yet. And it almost seemed like you would want to tell people you had made your decision or that you were about to make the decision even when you weren't. And this was with people that you really don't talk with often. You don't talk to them about many if any of your decisions that you make. In fact, they only want to talk to you because they want to ask you about your decision. And when they asked you about it you want to either justify yourself in the sincerest way you can with all social formalities in harmony and order or matter-of-factly ask them how much they bench press or weigh and then see how they respond.?

Well, I just got done making one of those decisions. And it was a well-made, well-timed decision. And the moment I made it, no sooner had I announced my decision did I get the next question by these same kinds of not-so-involved-in-cate's-life-decisions-people of how the heck am I going to follow through with my decision. What is up with that?

Irony or Providence?

After my recent technological triumphs, I have encountered some obstacles. I felt unstoppable after my first post. Subject matter aside, that post made me look as technologically competant as Doogie Howser in '85. I was like a 16 year old with a drivers' license and a loaned car. There were no limits to my cyber success.

I began to realize, however, that my success would only be temporary if I didn't actively continue this pursuit. That is, I needed to make another blog entry. People were asking me. "So you posted anything new lately?" And they were right. It was time. If I can't find time to make one over Christmas break, then when will I find the ambition during the semester? And once I establish myself as an "infrequent blogger," the blog people will come and get me dismembered or something - right? Or perhaps they will write me off as one who most often has nothing to say except on rare occassion and then all the momentum and interest that I started with will turn to dust. I will become the abandonned blog, lost in the abstract infinite of cyber space. Nothing seemed more frightening.

I didn't set up my account alone, though. Tr walked me carefully through each step and with him gone, I would have to post alone. I was intimidated but I reminded myself of all that I had overcome these past few months. So I went to the blog homepage to sign on. Oh it was overwhelming though. First I couldn't figure why I kept starting the process of making a new account when I already had one until I realized that "create a new blog" does not mean making a new entry in your current blog account. Then I couldn't remember my password or maybe it was my "user name" so they kept sending me these emails to answer my questions but I didn't know what they meant and all I wanted to do was explain to the epeople that I indeed am cate or catebrooks or whatever I go by on the internet and that this was my home computer and that you can trust me because I won't tell anyone you let me on without remembering my password and I didn't understand what was meant by making a "new blogger" account with google but maybe there was something we could work out with me being the an honest person...

But that wouldn't be fair, not to me or anyone else. I am no exception to the blog laws and it is best that I learn them now so that I can acquire a real kind of technological self-respect. But I can't say that I am feeling very confident right now. In fact, I am in need of some elove and ecomfort before I am able to regain the kind of self-reliance I once felt not more than a week ago. But I just have a feeling I may come out on top.

The Beginning.

This semester is my Technological Renaissance: a checkbook, pandora.com, I occasionally run with an ipod, facebook, and now a blog. Look at me now! I learned how to make "new folders" and make them into organizational tools for my email and my usb. It is all so abstract but some how it makes everything so much easier. I will embrace this Technological Renaissance. It is a beautiful thing. Afterall, have you ever seen something more beautiful than a lit up lite-brite at Christmas?